he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
