you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
