if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
