so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
