i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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