Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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