and you said cock pushups were impossible
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
