nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
