I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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