I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
