sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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