I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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