shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
