my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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