My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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