He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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