So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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