11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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