I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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