i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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