On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
false alarm. still invincible.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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