Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
