I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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