I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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