Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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