One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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