Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
