Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
