we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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