i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just gift wrapped bread.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
