i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
