a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
