apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
