I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
