while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
