There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
