I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
