currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
