If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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