it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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