; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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