You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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