I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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