I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
