I need to stop coming to work sober
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
