jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
where does the pee come out of this thing
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
