I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
