dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
