So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i think im in europe. pls send help
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
