i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
