Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
