We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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