I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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