If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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