I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
