Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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