i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
