she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
